Why Now?
by LostInLove92
Summary: Why does she feel like this? Why can’t she stop staring at him? This fic is about Lily's 5th year. and her trials and tribulations with one James Potter. My first ever fanfic plz be gentle. R
1. prolog

PROLOG

A/N: Thanks for reading. This started as a one shot (which is now the prolog) and now I'm attempting to make it more. Leave me your thoughts and comments. Thanks and enjoy.

Why does she feel like this?

Why can't she stop staring at him?

His arms…. Oh his arms…his perfectly toned arms… she can see the muscles bulging and he's not even flexing…. She can imagine those thick wonderful arms rapped around her holding her, loving her….. it took all of her will power for her not to jump him right then and there.

His sent… its overwhelming her, engulfing her.

'_No! Snap out of it lily! You don't want him!'_ Part of her argues.

But she does want him…. so much. Why does she want him now? Now that he would rather have every other girl on the planet before her. Now that he's with that whore of a girlfriend of his. Now; the day that Sirius tells her that James had been pinning after her all last year. While she was occupied with that dick of a boyfriend, who dumped her in the end because she wouldn't go far enough to keep him "entertained".

Why now?

She sees him lean over to his girlfriend and nibbles on her ear, her neck; right there in the common room in front of EVERYONE! She feels like she's going to cry. Why can't she be the girl he's nibbling on and marking for everyone to see? Why can't she be his?

She imagines her self getting up out of seat, in the dark corner that she is watching him from, and just walking up to him pushing that slut of a girlfriend of his off of the couch and on to floor. Sitting on his lap and full out kissing him right there in front of the entire common room. She imagines him kissing her back as he roughly grasps her chest in the palm of his hand and squeezing so hard that she feels pain and pleasure mixed together in some indescribable way that makes her so wet she swears she will explode right there with just that touch. She swears she can feel his hands working their way under her shirt molding her to him, in a way that only two people who are truly made for each other can fit, as he slowing lowers her on to her back, repositioning them so that he is on top, all of his weight pressed in to her. He thrusts his prominent erection against her core and she can't help but to moan into his mouth as he grunts into hers'.

"Lily! HELLO LILY! Snap out of it!"

"What?" she says as she snaps out of her fantasy.

"Finally. You have only been sitting her practically drooling the last ten minutes," said Rory exasperatedly.

"Oh… sorry. I was…um…. Thinking…"

"Yeah, right. I was just saying how rude Potter and girlfriend are. I mean really if you're going to do that go and do it in an empty class room or something."

"Yeah. You are totally right."

'_I wonder if she would say the same thing if it were me and him?' _

'_eeuhh! Why did you have to fall for him now Lily!?'_


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A/N: Thanks for all of the support and reviews. Here is the actual start of the story. It starts in Lily's fifth year she is a prefect and doesn't hate James but she doesn't like him either. They are forced to hang out together because they hang out with the same group. Now the story….

Lily looked up from her half packed trunk, scanning her room for the next item to be put into it. She spotted her stack of "to be read" books on her bed side table and walked over to them, but before she picked them up she noticed her photo album lying on the floor next to her bed where she had throne it the night before.

She picked it up and flipped it open. The first page was a picture of Rory, her best friend, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter, and herself laughing at something out side of the camera's range. Other than Rory, James was the first person she ever met at Hogwarts. James and she had been closer than even Rory and her the first two years of school. But then third year they just sort of stopped talking after James got his first 'real' girlfriend.

Lily continued to flip through the old pictures of her and her friends remembering the memories that went along with each one… her giving James a hug at her first Christmas at Hogwarts…. Her, James, Sirius, and Rory outside by the lake playing with the giant squid, in her second year. As she continued on through the album she realized just how many pictures James was in. He was in almost every photograph, besides the ones taken in the girls' dormitory of course. And then all the sudden he wasn't in the pictures anymore.

There where a few pictures of Lily and a few of her past boyfriends but other than that no other boys where to be seen at all. Until she neared the end of the album and then the scenery in the pictures changed. All of the sudden Lily's clothes where different and she was wearing make up, and there where now more boys than girls in the photos. These pictures where of the past summer.

Lily had practically stopped sending letters to any of her old Hogwarts friends altogether this past summer. She had found a new group to hang out with. A Slitherin boy had moved in down the street and she had begun to hang out with them. Over the summer she had dated four out of the six boys in her group of Slitherin friends. She found out latter on that this particular group of Slitherins all had ugly pasts, including drug possession charges and several detentions for severe violence. But when she hung out with them they all claimed to be clean and trying to make a new start for them selves. They all kept up with the drug tests and did indeed start to turn around up until one of them admitted to doing drugs again. He only admitted to it after most of the group noticed a change in his attitude for the worst. After that the group began to split and they didn't split with out violence. Lily had actually been physically attacked by one of the boys trying to talk some sense into him. She had also been accused of cheating on her boyfriend with one of the other guys in the group. Which had also led to turmoil within the group, because the two boys where best friends. After all of it was said and done Lily's reputation at Hogwarts was ruined and she was friendless.

Lily took the picture album and threw it into her trunk with the rest of her stuff and then picked up her "to be read" books and put them into her trunk too; after she finished packing her books, all that was left where her robes and casual clothes to pack. She finished packing with about an hour left to get dressed before she had to leave for the train station.

Lily showered, got dressed, putting her prefect badge in her jeans pocket, ate a bowl of corn flakes and before she knew it, it was time for her to leave for the station and her fifth year at Hogwarts.

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Lily arrived at the train station with 15 minutes to spare after getting through the barrier and saying good bye to her parents. She decided that she might as well find a compartment by herself and then head up to the prefects' carriage and wait the others to arrive. But she had trouble getting her trunk on to the train. She was halfway up the stairs on to the train locked in a epic battle with her trunk with she heard a voice behind her say, "Do you need some help with that?" the voice startled her causing her to drop her trunk on her foot and for it to tumble down the stair she had thus far managed to hoist it up.

"Damn it!" Lily screamed out in pain.

"Wow. Since when does perfect little Lily Evans curse?!" Lily turned around and identified the voice as non other than James Potter.

"Since she dropped her very heavy trunk on her foot and lost just about a five minute battle verses that same trunk." Lily snapped back sarcastically.

"OK jeez…. So do you need help or what?" asked James.

"Yes please," Lily half moaned. James squeezed past her in the thin stair well grabbed her trunk by one end and begin to lift it up the stairs on the train and into the safety rack in the same compartment that his trunk was already loaded on to, he lifted her trunk like it weighed thirty pounds instead of one hundred and thirty.

"Thanks," said Lily. "Well I guess I've got to get going. I'm a prefect."

"No surprise there." said James. "I'll come with you. I'm a prefect too."

"No way…" Lily said disbelievingly.

"Yep. It's the truth. I know I couldn't believe it at first either." said James smiling. '_I've missed that smile'_ thought Lily smiling back automatically.

"So… how was your summer?" Asked James leading Lily out of the compartment and down the hallway to the other end of the train where the prefects' carriage was located.

"I've had better." said Lily frowning.

"What's wrong?" Asked James once they had reached the empty prefects carriage, looking sincerely concerned.

"Its nothing." said Lily very unconvincingly for she had teared up when he had asked about her summer. "It's not nothing, Lils. Don't try to pull that on me. I know you better than that." said James putting his hand on her arm and trying to look her in the eye. "I just don't want to talk about it James." said Lily in a slightly defeated voice. "You can hit me if you want to." said James still trying to get her to look at him, and holding his arms out as if offering himself up to her. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and couldn't help but to smile a little bit. "I don't want to hit you James." said Lily still in that defeated voice. "Since when!?" exclaimed James, "You always want to hit me." "I'm not _that_ mean James," said Lily still slightly smiling. "Yes you are." said James as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Well I've changed." snapped Lily slightly irritated now. "Just hit me it will make you feel better." insisted James. "How is hurting you supposed make me feel better in the slightest!?" Lily almost yelled. She was so upset now that the tears where starting pore down her face. "Lils….," started James. "Tell the heads that I'm in the bathroom if they ask." said Lily turning away from him and walking out of the compartment to the bathroom keeping her head down till she was safely in a bathroom stall. She locked the door and leaned against it slowly sliding down it as her body was racked with sobs. She didn't want anyone to see her like this, though she had been having crying spells like this more and more often recently, so often in fact that her mom had actually confronted her about not committing suicide. Yes, Lily may have been depressed but she would never commit suicide. The idea alone disgusted her. Why did she have to react like that to James simple question of 'how was you summer'? He probably thought she was some crazy hormonal bitch now. That was another person she can put on her list of 'People that won't talk to her'. _'Great. Why do you have to be so pathetic Lily!'_ she mentally scolded her self. She pulled out her ipod, turned it on, put the ear buds in her ears, and leaned against the stall door trying to calm her heart rate so that she could go back into the prefect carriage and act like nothing had happened.

After sufficiently calming and cleaning herself up, she exited the restroom and reentered the prefects carriage in the middle of the opening meeting. When she walked in she felt eyes on her, when she looked up from latching the compartment door as quietly as possible, she met James' concerned stare. She broke eye contact with him and focused in on what the seventh year girl was saying to the rest of the prefects.

"So…. Other then those basic rules… you are to help the new students to their dorms and give them a brief tour of the main passages of the castle leading to your common rooms. We will have another meeting the second day back directly after dinner the assign patrol duties. But for now I want you all to patrol the halls on the train in twenty five to thirty minute intervals. Giffendors and Huffelpuffs patrol first, in groups of two please. Thank you. I believe that concludes that first meeting of the school year. You are dismissed." concluded the head girl. Lily turned to walk out the way she had just come in but found it jammed with people trying to get back to their friends. As she stood there being jostled waiting for the door to clear she felt someone come up behind her amongst all the chouse grab her arm gently and pull her back to them, causing several Ravenclaw sixth years to complain loudly about moving in a forward direction. She looked over her shoulder to see that it was James that had a hold of her and he had that same look of concern on his face as before. She cast her gaze downward staring at the shuffling feet of the other students. She felt James lean in and he whispered in her ear, "Are you alright? I'm sorry about earlier I didn't mean to upset you more. I was just trying to help." She looked up into his eyes and whispered, "I know. Let's just forget it ever happened. Ok?" "Ok…"said James still looking concerned. "Want to do patrols with me?"

"Sure," she said. "So… I never got the chance to ask how your summer was."

"It was alright." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"Are you and what's her face still together?" she asked.

"Me and Sarah? No. I broke up with her before summer started."

"Oh really why did you break up?" she asked innocently.

"I don't like having a girlfriend over the summer." He responded shrugging again.

"Oh… Ok." Lily responded.

The rest of their patrol went by rather quickly. They talked about family, Lily told James about Petunia and her new boyfriend, and James told Lily about how Sirius finally officially moved in with him. When there half hour patrol duty was over Lily and James returned to James' compartment where they found Sirius, Remus, Peter, Olivia, and Rory all playing exploding snap. James entered the compartment first ruffling Sirius' hair and then sitting down in the seat next to him. Lily walked in the compartment gave a slightly sheepish wave to Olivia and Rory, and then sat down across from James. They all played exploding snap between Lily and James' patrol duties until finally they felt the train begin to slow. The girls roughly pushed the boys out of the compartment so that they could change first and then they switched and stood out in the hall while the boys changed.

When the boys where done changing the girls reentered the compartment just in time for Lily to look out of the window and catch a glimpse of Hogwarts castle as they rounded the corner. At the sight of the castle a feeling of comfort and belonging filled Lily as she thought to herself, '_ahhh I'm finally home.'_


End file.
